GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

I'm starting to think his audience consists solely of Andy Rooney.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/15/AR2009041502861_pf.html

I'm Voting Republican

http://imvotingrepublican.com/

/sarcasm

Wild Turkey

So, can't believe it has been 10 MONTHS since I last posted! I have been wanting to get back to it, but something always seems to come up. But when I saw this headline yesterday, I just had to share:

Rampaging Turkey Mauls Woman

I have found my hell

http://cakesandbabies.blogspot.com/

Mostly Cloudy

Today has been cloudy, and so, of course, I've heard many complaints about the weather and how gloomy it is: This despite the fact that we've had so little rain this summer that most of my annuals are teeny.

I don't buy into the whole cloudy or rainy=bad thing though. Rainy days mean I don't have to feel guilty about spending a day playing Wii or watching cheesy movies. Especially in the summer when I feel like I should spend every moment possible outdoors. Plus I loved grilled cheese, and rainy days seem to be the best for those also.

Besides, the Hill of Tara wouldn't have looked nearly as cool if it had been sunny out:

Granted, we did almost get killed by lightning in the downpour that started shorty after these were taken, but that's a whole different story...

Where's the bridge?*

This is very funny to me, but probably not so funny to anyone who has ever watched a movie with me: especially a "historical" one.


http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2007/7/31kellett.html

*Expert's comment from History's Mysteries: The True Story of Braveheart

Mommy Wars Part 9,842

What she said

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762056/site/newsweek/

It Seemed Like A Good Idea at the Time

I think this would be more amusing to me if I didn't have a sinking feeling that some of the schmoes running this country might actually think this would work:

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2007/7/11roeder.html

I'm guessing this is too subtly ironic for them too:

http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html

Can you picture that?

I have wanted to try this ever since I first saw The Muppet Movie:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/07/10/flying.lawn.chair.ap/index.html

I can't believe it actually worked!

Happy (Belated) 4th!

I love, love, love the Fourth of July.

In addition to any other festivities that I might join in, I watch 1776 every year because, regardless of how cheesey it may be to others, it makes me feel all patriotic and I love the songs. I'll be singing "But, Mr. Adams" constant-LEE the new few days, much to the dismay of my coworkers.

I think I have a special attachment to the holiday because I grew up near Philadelphia and my parents regularly took us in to Old City to see Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, Franklin Court, etc.

It's really incredible to be at Independence Hall on the 4th, and Philadelphia typically puts on a great party for about a week.

Except for last night. Twits.

Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze!

Ooops - Spoiler Alert! - My bad :)

I have a "funny" story about the previous post. (I'll try to be brief, but 8 years later I'm still a tad bitter, so bear with me.)

Sixth Sense was released during a very busy time in my life, so I didn't get to see it until about 5 or 6 weeks after it released. I had heard there was a twist, so I was REALLY careful to avoid reading, hearing, or seeing anything that gave it away. One day I was reading something totally random and unrelated - like an article in National Geographic about melting polar caps - that wasn't it, but it was similarly totally unrelated to anything to do with the movie - -and the article said something about Bruce Willis being dead.

Shit.

I was SO careful! My bitterness was such that for a year or two everytime I went to the video store I'd randomly blurt out "Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze!", because I wanted others to suffer right along with me.

If you think that was wrong, don't worry: karma has caught up with me.

There are 18 spoilers on the shirt, most of which I already knew about because I:

Saw the movie (Luke's Father, Verbal is Keyser Soze, Dil is Actually a Man, Neo is the One, etc.)

Read the book (Snape Kills Dumbledore)

Saw it on the cover of People 4200 times (Kristen shot J.R.)

Saw Spaceballs (It Was Earth All Along)

Saw Drop Dead Gorgeous (Soylent Green is Made of People)

Would see the movie if I didn't think it would keep me from sleeping for a month, so I had Network God tell me the ending instead (The Villagers Sacrifice the Policeman, Donnie Dies)

Spoiled when I read something totally random and unrelated like an article in National Geographic about melting polar caps (The Kid's Therapist is a Ghost)

That Leaves:

Don't care unless the 1 is the bad guy because he was pretty hot in Love Actually (299 Die)

And

Tyler Durden isn't real.

So I googled it.

Shit.

I have watched the first hour or so of Fight Club like 8 times, which apparently isn't enough to recognize the font, the symbol on the shirt, or the damn name. Guess I don't need to bother watching the rest.

Spoiler Warning

I totally want this.

A Walk In The Park

The past few weeks have been a tad hectic with all the prep for Vika's bridal shower, but I'm finally caught up enough to post. I hope you all really like nature, because this year I've decided to photograph my garden throughout the growing season, so you'll be seeing a lot of it.

Before I get to all of that though, several weeks back Network God and I went for a light hike around Evansburg State Park. A few weeks prior to that there were heavy rains and the creek flooded and there was quite a bit of debris.

I googled Pennsylvania wildflowers to see if I could find some of the names for what we saw, but I wasn't terribly successful. The flowers were very pretty though.

A duck followed us along the creek.

There were some spectacularly large mushrooms. I'm thinking its a good thing Vika wasn't there because they probably would have been taken home for dinner.

These I did find the name for. They're called mayapples. I had seen the foliage later in the summer, but I had never seen them in bloom. They're quite pretty.

You can see how high the flood was from the debris caught in the trees. I don't know exactly how far we were from the creek, but we were above it and could see or here it from here.

I'm hoping Vika can help me with this one. It seems like it could be an orchid, but I couldn't locate the name. I thought it was lovely.

Surprise!

More mayapples.

More wildflowers.

After our hike we had incredible hoagies from the Skippack Village Italian Market and did some shopping at Ott's. As much as I'd always thought I'd end up a city dweller, I have to admit that I love where I live!

Of course I get to the city a lot as well :).

Note to the Network God*

* Which is now officially my blog name for my husband.

I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE!

So there.

An Early Christmas Present For She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed

An entire site devoted to her favorite phrase: passive aggressive.

I expect the undying thanks to come pouring in any second now...

Awesomely Bad Fashion

Although I know that this jacket is destined for the back page of Glamour or a Random Fug, I still LOVE it because it is just so crazy.

Delayed Random Thoughts on the Royal Visit

• I want her jewelry, and I'm not even into jewelry. But it's so pretty and sparkly (In my head it's like a five year old is saying that).



• I want her hats too. Also I'd like to have an occasion to wear them to.



• Dude - He winked at the queen. It's like the Mr. Bean sketch has come to life.



• Apparently one of the downsides of not having formal state functions is that when you do your staff is so out of practice that they make it look like the most cliche cheesy wedding from the latest issue of Bride's.



• Do you think if the Founding Fathers had a time machine and were able to see what this country has elected as president that they would throw up their hands and say, "Screw independence! Tea tax? Sure! Stamp Act? Why not? Crazy George III is still a more reasonable and less embarrassing ruler than 43, even if he does talk to trees!"

As Long As You're All Making Fun Of My Awesome Sunset View...

...you may as well have some extra ammunition.

Until recently we had no working outdoor lights because every time we changed the light bulbs in them they would pop. So we would have friends come for dinner and they would have to, like, bring flashlights just to be able to get to our door.

So a few weeks back we got a new set of outdoor lights.

I don't think you can really get a clear idea of this from the picture, but let's just say that we have received several notes from the Coast Guard thanking us for our commendable efforts to keep ships clear of the New Jersey coastline, which is a mere 100 miles away from my front door.

Seriously - does it not look like a mini sun?

One Louder

So I can't remember all the details because I was navigating into the unholy mess known as the Pennsylvania Turnpike, but while I was listening to Morning Edition on NPR my brain registered part of a discussion about the DOD budget and some sort of list of things that the DOD needs to pay for. And when Steve Inskeep made reference to the list, the person he was interviewing said:

It goes up to 11.

Of course it does.

Of Night And Light And The Half-Light

I have the very good fortune to live in a house that faces west. So on a regular basis I can look out my front door and see sunsets like this:

The same night there was a beautiful full moon peeping out from the clouds:

So lovely and serene, isn't it?

COLORS

College Glassblower wanted me to post this picture with the above title.

Your total comes to 30 pieces of silver

I'd love to make a clever witty remark about this, but I really have nothing to add:

http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/archives/004165.html

An Open Letter to She Who Must Be Obeyed

Next time you're stuck knitting the world's most boring socks, and are tired of the constant kinting about socks, scarves, hats, etc., might I suggest shutting all of us up with a few items modeled after these:

http://www.patriciawaller.com/en/images.html

Cause as much as I love my scarves, and I'd love socks, I NEED that unicorn. The aliens are a very close second...

Punny

In keeping with the bad joke theme, here's one of my favorites:

The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought this was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.

He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.

So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that:

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

I'm Having Fun Charting My Family (And Myself)

Speaking of Star Trek...

What happens if you fall into more than one category?

The Geek Hierarchy

You managed to kill just about eveybody else...

...but like a true marksman you keep missing the target.

How Great is This?

I LOVE this.

I've found it at last!

The perfect gift for my husband.

Happiness is...

A glass of port and a square of dark chocolate. Mmmmmmmm........

Missing the point

Can someone explain to me why the article about how one third of women feel too fat to be naked in front of their partners has an accompanying picture of two women who put together wouldn't fill one of my pant legs?

Grow your own furniture.

I so would not have the patience for this.

I'm Speechless...

WTF?

Agent Smith was an awesome one too...

As someone who annoys the crap out of most people by playing human imdb - Holy shit! Who would have guessed The Operative would make such an awesome drag queen? - this is one of my all time favorite movie reviews.

Now I Get It

This explains a lot about a certain co-worker of mine.

It's not that said co-worker is a wacko with ADD, its just that they have a stone age brain. I'm sure that this knowledge will help me be more understanding the next time I have a conversation with them that makes me want to tear all my hair out one strand at a time.

Read This Book

Occasionally I break the well known rule and judge a book by its cover. This often ends in disaster, but every once in awhile it pays off beautifully. Several months ago The shiny cover of the Amulet of Samarkand, the first book in The Bartimaeus Trilogy, caught my eye and I bought it on impulse.

I tore through the book in two days, and the rest of the trilogy within a week. They were fantastic: snarky, funny, clever, and intelligent.

It’s amazing to me how many really good children’s books are available out there – many of them much better than anything I can find in the regular fiction section. I’m not sure if there are that many more good “young adult” books that when I when I was younger, or if I was just too busy reading trash like Sweet Valley High (yikes, how embarassing).

Down the Rabbit Hole

A year and a half after creating this blog I figure the time has come for me to actually start writing in it. In this time I have realized:

1. It will never have a coherent theme.
2. It will never be as funny as those of my friends.
3. It will never display the depth of knowledge and/or obsession seen on other blogs.

I finally came to the realization that none of this matters because:

4. It is unlikely that anyone unrelated to me will ever read it.

Since my relations are already aware that I am incoherent, dull, and shallow, I feel that there's really no harm in making the attempt. So here goes…