Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze!

Ooops - Spoiler Alert! - My bad :)

I have a "funny" story about the previous post. (I'll try to be brief, but 8 years later I'm still a tad bitter, so bear with me.)

Sixth Sense was released during a very busy time in my life, so I didn't get to see it until about 5 or 6 weeks after it released. I had heard there was a twist, so I was REALLY careful to avoid reading, hearing, or seeing anything that gave it away. One day I was reading something totally random and unrelated - like an article in National Geographic about melting polar caps - that wasn't it, but it was similarly totally unrelated to anything to do with the movie - -and the article said something about Bruce Willis being dead.

Shit.

I was SO careful! My bitterness was such that for a year or two everytime I went to the video store I'd randomly blurt out "Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze!", because I wanted others to suffer right along with me.

If you think that was wrong, don't worry: karma has caught up with me.

There are 18 spoilers on the shirt, most of which I already knew about because I:

Saw the movie (Luke's Father, Verbal is Keyser Soze, Dil is Actually a Man, Neo is the One, etc.)

Read the book (Snape Kills Dumbledore)

Saw it on the cover of People 4200 times (Kristen shot J.R.)

Saw Spaceballs (It Was Earth All Along)

Saw Drop Dead Gorgeous (Soylent Green is Made of People)

Would see the movie if I didn't think it would keep me from sleeping for a month, so I had Network God tell me the ending instead (The Villagers Sacrifice the Policeman, Donnie Dies)

Spoiled when I read something totally random and unrelated like an article in National Geographic about melting polar caps (The Kid's Therapist is a Ghost)

That Leaves:

Don't care unless the 1 is the bad guy because he was pretty hot in Love Actually (299 Die)

And

Tyler Durden isn't real.

So I googled it.

Shit.

I have watched the first hour or so of Fight Club like 8 times, which apparently isn't enough to recognize the font, the symbol on the shirt, or the damn name. Guess I don't need to bother watching the rest.

130 comments:

Vika said...

Dare I admit that I've actually seen the original Soylent Green?

And that I deliberately missed the original Planet of the Apes, but managed to get sucked into the Mark Walhberg remake?

The Shame!

Grendel said...

What does Spaceballs and Drop Dead Gorgeous have to do with it? Those are from Planet of the Apes and Soylent Green.

Also check out Soylent Cola. What's it taste like you ask? Everyone is different. . .

And yeah, you'd have missed Tyler Durden if you only saw the first hour. And wtf? That's a great film! (Oh, and it's worth watching the rest. There's a couple of other twists in there. And a big one in the last frame or so. . .)

Grendel said...

Oh, and I've seen Omega Man, for the complete cheesey Heston trifecta. Yes!

Witty said...

The end of Spaceballs is a spoof of the end of Planet of the Apes.

In Drop Dead Gorgeous, one of the contestants does a monologue (including the “Soylent Green is people” line) as part of her “talent".

Grendel said...

Oh, that's right. I forgot about the Spaceballs bit. :) Never saw Drop Dead Gorgeous. . .

To make you further bitter about Sixth Sense, though, a friend having seen the movie was talking about what a radical twist it had. I guesses "Bruce Willis is dead the whole time," without having seen the movie. They were upset.

(Unbreakable, in my opinion has a much more surprising twist.)

Vika said...

I liked Unbreakable. Now that would be one which could have a really interesting sequel...but it would invariably get messed up, so better to leave it alone.

Grendel said...

Hmm. . . It would make for a good sequel. It could be called "Scratched" or "Damaged." :) (Or given the vulnerability, maybe just "Soggy.")

Witty said...

You do that to people too? Network God gets so pissed because half my fun in watching anything is guessing the ending. I average about 75% right. Drives him nuts.

Grendel said...

Mostly just that one time. You can do it almost every time with an Agathie Christy mystery. Just look for whatever character it is literally physically and logically impossible to be the murderer and that's who it is. Case in point, the one where everyone gets trapped at a ski lodge. The murderer is in fact the person who is the detective at the start. The real detective is posing as a guest. Why in the hell the real detective would continue to do this for 3 acts after someone is posing as a detective is a stitch unclear. . .

Grendel said...

More spoilers!!!

Saw Mr. Brooks and *gasp* Kevin Costner's character turns out to be a serial killer!!!!

I know: shocking. Sorry to ruin the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it. . .

Witty said...

I'm shocked, shocked! I never would have guessed from the poster!

Vika said...

I am way too creeped out by the idea of Kevin Costner as a serial killer to want to watch that movie.

Besides, he sort of irritates me ever since the famous Awful Fake 'British' Accent That Trails Off By The End Of The Movie incident.

Grendel said...

"Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak in a British accent. . ."
That was nothing compared to Val Kilmer's horrible on again off again Irish accent.
Plus he's briefly nude. Although the movie actually isn't bad. (Not great either. . ) And it does have John Hurt as well.

Vika said...

Hah! I got that movie this past Friday when I was trolling three separate Tarzhay's to find lanterns for centerpieces for the wedding. We watched about half of it last night! We got enough lanterns, too :D I also picked up a bunch of other movies, including the Italian Job.

I finally got to watch that--I had been studiously avoiding watching only parts, since I heard it was one of Those Kinds Of Movies, and I'm glad I waited, it was lots of fun :D And lots of Mini Coopers.

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